Inspired by my daughter and every other brave person that I have known –
I have suspected for a long time that the schools are teaching kids to “be nice” to bullies, “try to fit in more”, “try to talk it out”, “wish them well”, things like this. On the outset, this may seem to be the best tactic, but bullies, adult and otherwise, cannot be reasoned with. They are missing something. There is something integrally “not home”. I’ve learned this the hard way.
I’ve been aware for a long time that society, in general, teaches folks to tiptoe around assholes. We are told to watch how we dress, where we go, who we interact with, how late we stay out, be quiet when big bad daddy is home, to ignore and try to stay positive, and so on. We are seeing now, more and more, that this simply doesn’t work. These tactics basically amount to giving in to the spoiled child and those children have been taking too many miles.
My question for a long time now has been “why are the rapists allowed out and we’re not?”.
We’ve been taught to be too polite to assholes in our lives, including adult assholes, when we should be taught how to effectively stand up to them. Abusive people are integrally weak and therefore pick on those they think they can get away with picking on, like adults picking on kids, and groups picking on one individual. If the assholes knew that their target was going to speak up, speak out, and maybe even come at them with some ninja frickin skills, they would cower away.
I think that parents should enroll their kids in karate. It not only teaches great skills for remaining calm and centered, the ninja skills are there if staying grounded doesn’t work. Bullies are cowards. They will not pick on those that they think can stand up and back it up.
We need to learn to stand by those who stand up to assholes. We need to back up those who loudly name the assholes and center them out. We are beginning to see this in workplaces that are now changing their attitudes towards customers and saying “the customer is NOT always right.” We are seeing it with new initiatives to teach staff in restaurants and bars to shut down patrons who are bullying or harassing other patrons and fellow staff members. These are positive changes, but we need to take it further.
We can teach our kids to come forward and simply stand beside someone who is being picked on. We can teach them how empowering that is, not just for the target, but for themselves as well. We can teach our kids to support those who speak up, speak out, and yes, tell. Those who tell need to be seen as strong and brave, not as weak and sucky. We can teach that to our kids and to other adults. We can empower kids and adults to tell when they are being targeted even in their homes.
It is a brave thing to stand up and speak out. We should be proud of those who do so, whether that be in a schoolyard or in the local bar.
The bullies need to be scared, not us. The assholes need to have to tiptoe, not us. We can do this. Stand with those who are being targeted in the workplace, in the streets, in the schoolyards, and social arenas. Don’t give in to the peer pressure to join in the targeting. Cheer for the brave and empower yourselves and our kids. We can do this.
Mottyl's Whispers 